Where do I begin.... It started out as a pretty good spring: Chris and I went to Colorado (Pueblo/Colorado Springs), and had a wonderful time. He got snippy with me one time and I said to him: "You are not even supposed to be on this trip. Either get in a good humor or start walking. You told me to "get my own fucking ticket", so buddy, either get with my program or get your own fucking ticket home." About 20 minutes later, he was a happy camper. Then in May, I went with my cousin to Yellowstone N.P.... what a wonderful trip. Yes we bickered, and were disappointed with aspects of the trip (mostly with each other) but I had a wonderful time and would do it again with her in a heartbeat. Then in mid-August, a friend invited me to go to West Texas (Dryden, TX) with her--- to a private ranch on the Pecos River. It was one of the best "do nothing" trips I've been on. Then 2 days later, this same friend and I took off for an "adult" weekend in Trinidad, Colorado. We legally purchased and partook of the wares, and had a really relaxing 3 days. She needed it more than me, as she has 2 granddaughters to run after--- but we had a GREAT time! then on the 24th of August, a Jackass name Harvey showed up ----- and it rained 52" in 96 hrs. I am still processing the stress and the magnitude of 52" of rain ---- Our home did not take on water, except for the water coming in from the roof and down the window frame. I spent the night of the 29th running towels to and from the dryer to keep up with the rain. On Wednesday morning, at 5AM, when the power went off, I told Chris that I was going to bed. When I woke up, 4 hrs later, I could not even look out of the windows because I had seen the water rising about 3am. We left the house, with the dogs--- left the cats here with food--- and went to oberlin, la for the night (only place that would take pets). We came back here Friday, and went to his mother's house--- they were getting a generator so we would at least have fans and the 'fridge. Saturday, Chris' BIL (in the BIL's high jeep) were able to get back into the neighborhood (barely), and on Sunday afternoon, we were able to get to the house and asses damage, feed cats, etc. 6inches of rain in the pool room, and lots of stuff ruined ---- ESPECIALLY MY CADILLAC!!!!!!! I have had to declare a total loss on the vehicle. I worked hard to afford that SUV; I worked hard to find the LAST car I would want to buy. And look what happens ----- if I had moved it 40ft., I wouldn't need a vehicle. Then, on the 24th of Sept, Chris goes to investigate a cat commotion in the front yard, and finds a pit bull mix with my cat Pope in his mouth ---- needless to say, Chris had to euthanize my cat --- I have NEVER WISHED OR WANTED HARM to come to an animal but I want that dog DEAD!!!!! Then, after only getting $1000 for the adjacent structure, nothing for contents, and $5M for the roof/window/floor, Chris wakes me up telling me that he needs to go to the hospital --- we go, and he had umbilical hernia repair surgery ------ WE HAVE NO INSURANCE!!!!!!!!! Did I mention that I am already severely depressed, and I am awaiting an examination for a SSI Disability physical exam next week (Scoliosis, Disk Degenerative, Spinal Stenosis, right hip planed up). So there have been several times in the past 6 weeks where I have SERIOUSLY considered doing myself harm --- but I stop, and remember whose daughter I am, I straighten the crown my father told me I wore, and move on to the next thought. The thought is there! I am also worried that if I am awarded SSID, and I have the 3 surgeries that will straighten my spine, open it up and generally make me NOT have pain, that I will be dead inside of a year like my mother. She had lower spine surgery in April 2004, in October 2004 she couldn't open her hand to release her cigarette case, in December 2004 she was diagnosed with ALS, and March 12, 2005 she was dead. I watched my mother die in pain and there was nothing I could do about it ---- I don't want to be dead in a year!!!!! I miss my daddy!!! I remember sitting in his lap.... his smell, his whiskers, his hands, the hair on his chest, on the knuckles of his fingers ---- i sure wish i could sit in daddy's lap!!! I miss my momma!!! I remember sitting in her lap, and I was 30 years old. I remember her laugh, the way her hand "threw" a domino, and held a cigarette, her smell, the look she could give if you weren't acting right. I miss my parents!!! I just wish someone missed me --- My husband could careless about me and my emotional well being, as long as his needs are being met and someone else is footing the bill. He never misses and opportunity to make sure I know that he isn't working and likes it that way. It's like I never run thru his mind unless he needs something or something has upset his apple cart. We will be married 21 years later this month and although I am further along than I was when we met, I could already have been here and overshot it by 1000 if I wouldn't have stayed married to Chris. Even living in this shithole part of Texas. I do love my husband, do not think that I don't.