Been a while---- and I'm not a happy camper

I am so disappointed with my husband ----- 2 months ago, when friends were discussing going to see the Rolling Stones in Dallas, i made the effort to suggest to him that we go with these friends--- make a weekend out of it: drive up Thursday, play golf, play golf Friday, Stones on Saturday, drive home Sunday ---- he gave me every excuse he could think of---- his feet hurt, didn't want to walk that far, didn't want to pay that much for a ticket, didn't want to be around the crowds.... so 3 weeks ago, the friends who are going had an extra ticket, and the moment it was offered to him, he jumped at the chance, but did he even ask if i wanted to go? did he suggest he find a ticket for me near where they are sitting? did he even think about me? NO!!! and then last weekend his friends kept picking at me about not going (according to them, they invited me---- who gives a fuck if they invited me... my HUSBAND should have ---- and none of these friends even encouraged him to get me to go---- so maybe it's time i think about a new way of life---without my husband and his friends (who, btw, profess to "love" me, but take every opportunity to make me feel small, unwelcome, and otherwise, just plain shitty about myself ----- and at the moment, it doesn't take much to make me feel very very shitty about myself and why i should even be here...... I think that 18 and a half years of being treated like shit is enough..... and i'm going to have to find a pittbull of an attorney (have his friends give depositions that he didn't work but 6 or 7 months of each year for the first 15 years---- made sure that since i was making more than he was for 11 years he would quit his job about every 6 or 7 months--- HIS friends and I began calling it his "fainting goat syndrome"--- mention work and he goes into shock.... I taken several trips without him--- but he was invited to go on EACH AND EVERY one of them--- Las Vegas for the N.A. 8ball Nationals, New Zealand to see friends, Houston for my High School reunions..... he declined to go, he was invited but declined..... He didn't even invite me to go once he was offered this ticket...... i'm so disgusted with myself for having stayed with this piece of shit for so long.... he has no empathy for others, he has been lead to believe by his parents and these friends that he is PERFECT.... he could care less about anyone but himself.... I made the comment to his buddy that he ought to be glad that i don't have divorce papers ready for service and a sheriff here when he gets back from his weekend to tell him to get his shit, get the fuck out, and oh yeah, here's a TRO good for 6mths....I don't wish anything bad on anybody, but on this piece of shit i married (yea, i'm the stupid one) i wish something bad would happen to him..... His friends will need to take care of him, since he doesn't think enough of me to include me.....I don't care about him anymore.... He doesn't do anything around the house( have to ask 3 or 4 times to get garbage taken out, 3 or 4 times to get aluminum cans taken out, hasn't mowed the yard in years, won't weedeat around the yard, but he'll eat everything in sight and balloon up to 325lbs. We haven't had sex in 2 years--- either he has some strange on the side (in which case i don't want him to touch me) or he can't keep an erection.....or he and his buddy, Roger, are a little more than buddies...... I'm not jealous of his buddy Roger, but I don't feel included in my husband's life, he would rather be with his buddy (this guy farts and my husband has to have his nose up Roger's ass to see what he had for dinner the night before...---- and at this point, i don't think i want to be included in my husband's life or him to be included in my life (such that it is --- since he has basically cut me off from my family (which is another sore subject--- let's do all kinds of things for his family, but a stick of dynamite couldn't get him to on of my family's functions) I would move out, but since i haven't had a job in 3 weeks, and i start a job on the 15th, but for $15/hr i can't afford an apartment ---- so I think i would be fitting for me to serve him divorce papers one Friday afternoon down at his buddy Roger's house..... I want a sheriff here because i don't trust him to not tear up/destroy something ------I have a place to move out / go to but it isn't in this area--- which i should be happy about (but living in Houston again gives me the creeps---Haven't had to deal with traffic, crazy drivers, 1-1/2 hr commutes, etc..... I fully intend to start looking for positions in Houston in the area where my cousin lives, speak with an attorney, have our "joint" investment account split 50/50, and generally become very very very COLD....... i feel such animosity for my husband right now, i don't even feel like i want to be in the same house as him--- he thinks so little of me.... FUCK YOU CHRIS TURNER, you have hurt me...... and you don't even care------- which shouldn't surprise me after all the crap i've had to endure for the 24 years we have been together.... FUCK YOU CHRIS TURNER, for making me feel like my upbringing/experiences are not important but i have to hang on every word about your exploits in the town you grew up in--- FUCK YOU CHRIS TURNER, for being stupid---- ignorance can be cured, stupidity is forever.... FUCK YOU CHRIS TURNER, for each and every time you gave me a "dig" (nobody invited you, look at the head on that, oh she ain't allowed) and made sure I felt unwelcome FUCK YOU CHRIS TURNER, i think we are on the road to divorce...